WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
