i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
