ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
