And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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