marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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