Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
