I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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