No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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