He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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