I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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