I think I died a long time ago.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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