well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
