There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
