they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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