Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
