The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
