u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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