he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
