I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
