Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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