he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Randomize
