Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Randomize
