so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
