it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
