Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize