I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
