if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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