i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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