Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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