I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
