If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
