I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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