Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
