I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
