Having a random hookup so left but love u
I faked an abortion last night.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
