I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
