You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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