Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
