Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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