i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
