just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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