and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
