glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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