I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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