just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
