I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
