is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
