Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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