he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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