Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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