I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
