I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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