I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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