Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
