so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
did i walk over a car last night?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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