Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
