I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
