I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
