So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
