God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
