Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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