i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think people are normalizing furries
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
