worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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