Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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