They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
