why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
