You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize