Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you win again, gameday.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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