WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
