i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
