Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
This is my gift to your gina
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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