I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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