he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
