just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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