Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
