I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize