I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
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