i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
