if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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