I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
