i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
