sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
