I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
