if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
