you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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