he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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