Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
